It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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