i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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