Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
