I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
