she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
