you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
