if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
