Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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