**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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