Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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