I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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