there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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