You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
