This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
