I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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