It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
