I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
