Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
