Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
