I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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