I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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