i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
