I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
