I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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