I wish I could punch you in the face.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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