ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
