omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
