I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I cockslap morals
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
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I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
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Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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