I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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