Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
