Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Pants are for mortals
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