I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
