we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
