i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
