Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
