he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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