Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
