Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
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I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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