chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
