Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
