Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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