This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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