I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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