I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
