Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
