I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
