When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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