If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
