so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
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Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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