How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
