It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
