so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
