haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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