at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
