Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
