You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm just crazy horny about you
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
