My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
