In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
