God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
