Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize