What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
