A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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