i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
