the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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