i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
