I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
