Please, let me fuck your mom
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
