if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
