Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
